Honestly, I haven't started on my revising process yet. I know, not very good. But I have been having too much fun watching dramas on the internet and time just goes by too quickly. But HOPEFULLY I can start on it tomorrow night or Saturday. Or SUNDAY. Just kidding, that is totally NOT the plan. I cannot procrastinate any longer. That was senior year and I should not be procrastinating in college.
One of my peers said that I should be more straight-forward in my introduction. So I will do a little fixing by adding what my body paragraphs will mainly be about. Probably like two sentences or so. She also said that I should use a different word for "sometimes" and "something." I will make sure to change the words with better use of diction. I should probably talk more about my sources than what the ideal family is. She also believes that I have some rhetoricality in my paper, but when I read my paper, I do not see much of it in there. She commented that I need to connect my sources with my thesis. I guess she is saying that the flow of it isn't very good. Not everything ties together, and I KNEW that was going to happen. I think I have a problem with connecting my sources to my thesis statement. Therefore, I CANNOT procrastinate on the revised draft. She did not say much, that's pretty much all she said about my rough draft. Honestly, I was pretty confused when I read my introduction. It doesn't seem to flow well. It's like I can see how I want to write my paper and what I want to argue about and how I want to put the paper together...but I just can't write it the way my brain sees it. I don't know why. Anyway...back on topic. I think I want to add another paragraph of "I say." I don't remember putting much of it in my paper. My paper consists mostly of summarizing, I think.
For my sources, I decided to use "An Indian Story" and "The Color of Family Ties." But right now, I am thinking if the sources you use play a big role in your paper. And of course they do, right? I'm starting to think that maybe "An Indian Story" doesn't go with "The Color of Family Ties." That's probably why I can't really connect my paper together. Or maybe I just can't think of a way to connect them. I'm trying really hard to think how I can connect the two sources with my thesis. I have never really thought about connecting the ideas when I write papers. It's just this semester that I've been worrying about how to connect the ideas. "An Indian Story" portrays the narrator growing up without the support of his parents. And because his mother died, his father remarried and he didn't get along with his step-brother very well. He wasn't comfortable around his step-mother either. For that reason, he grew up in his Aunt Greta's care. Although he grew up with his aunt and now his father, Aunt Greta raised him well. Their bond shows that not only a model family can be so close and comfortable around each other. Naomi Gerstel and Natalia Sarkisian's research shows that social class is more important that ethnicity. The support and love from relatives can be as special and exceptional as the family bond of the "model family." Support and care from relatives and cousins can be as much needed as the love from your immediate family. Caucasians tend to have more income than other ethnicity, but "The Color of Family Ties" shows that Blacks and Latinos/as are more likely to give money to their relatives or get it from them. I believe these sources support my thesis because the "model family" make you want to see your family like that. But in reality, not all families work the same way. We have choices and freedom. We can choose who to live with our how we want to live our lives. But to me, the "model family" is just together by themselves. They don't seem to care about who's around them or their relatives and close friends. The "model family" takes away what you want to believe in. And because they're so "perfect," your own family can sometimes not be seen to be at their level. But that's not true. Because everyone can make decisions and do what THEY want to do.
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